Once a Porn a Time Review

While on a scavenging mission as you're on the run from The Empire, you stumble upon a peculiar planet with lots of loot to discover and take. What would have previously been a shelter and some credits, however, becomes a string of events that leads to you becoming employed by Tinkerbell, working in cahoots with a 151-year-old android and alien, with the unique job of trying to have sex with a slew of princesses (both of the copyrighted kind and not). And no, that's not the start of a joke.

In Once a Porn a Time, you are tasked with creating, dressing, and corrupting a few princesses. In total, there are five characters that you interact with with the intention to sexually corrupt, but there are actually 23 different scenes you can get with said characters (even with some that aren't androids) and 10 total images you can get for others you can't interact with yet. It gives you a lot of sexual content to engage with, and though it seems like a focal point of the story, it feels like anything but.

You see, from the start of the game to the very end — ranging between 10 to 14 hours depending on how much content you try to finish — you don't really get a lot of actual sex scenes that include intercourse; you'll spend most of your time wooing them, instead. Though this is something I welcomed throughout my playthrough, and I thoroughly enjoyed taking my time to know the princesses, there is definitely a disconnect between what others might think this game has and what you actually get.

Once a Porn a Time markets itself as a sex game where you can do it with fairytale characters, but in reality, it's much more focused on the comedic elements and narrative parts. Getting a specific scene with one of the princesses can feel like a long grind (pun not intended), but once you've actually completed a specific questline, it feels all the more gratifying, especially as you've gotten to know the characters throughout.

You get to know the characters pretty well, and for a narrative experience, Once a Porn a Time does a great job at remaining entertaining throughout. The comedic quips, the abrupt cuts, and clever use of music made several moments get a cackle out of me, especially due to their unexpected placements.

This is where OPT Studios shines best, with their otherwise sexual title instead feeling more like a comedic visual novel with occasional sex scenes. The bad part, however, is that these scenes can have long spacing between them, and unless you're invested in the characters and story, it can sometimes feel too long; this isn't helped by the otherwise rocky beginning the title has.

When you start your quest, a lot of things aren't made clear, and an obvious lack of a questlog makes it difficult to keep track of what you can do, have to do, and should do. Tinkerbell (the self-proclaimed CEO++ of the planet) tells you pretty early to "do what you want", though at the time, you'll only have unlocked Snow White, and it isn't self-evident what the game wants you to do. As you come to grips with the title, a routine establishes, and you become an integral part of the machine — you go and talk to princesses, advance the story, go out on drone expeditions, go to sleep, repeat.

This safe approach makes it easy to keep in mind what you have done, what you need to do, and what remains in any given day; however, it might become monotone for those who are only around to have sex with princesses. Further elevated by this is the fact that the game's premise makes for a thoughtless experience: since the princesses are androids, you're allowed to say unhinged things with no repercussions. You're assured to have sex with a few of the characters, no matter which ridiculous choices you make, making it feel more like a kinetic visual novel than your choices really mattering.

On the one hand, it feels great to be able to say some of the depraved things that the game lets you do: if you lean into the humour, it elevates the experience by giving you the possibility to be as unhinged as the cast and characters. But if you take it too seriously or are here for only the sexual content, it isn't the experience for you, as the scenes are long, dragged out, and sometimes bordering comedic. The fact that you can say what you want bolstered the experience for me and made it even more enjoyable, and it's not like your choices have no repercussions, either.

Aside from the robotic partners you'll be trying to woo (a big success for technophiles), you'll also find a slew of characters that aren't androids and won't be slowly reprogrammed to want to have sex with you. Once a Porn a Time slowly introduces two new characters for you to unlock affinity scenes with, and that's either by making some right choices, giving them gifts, and overall spending time with them. Make the right decisions, spend time with the right person, and give them enough gifts, and you'll unlock an affinity scene with them. These characters and scenes felt more organic, which is a merit to the writing, seeing as these are some of the few characters with genuine free will.

There is one complaint many had that I felt merited a mention, though I personally didn't struggle with it. Every day, you can partake in a drone mini-game that gives you the opportunity to set out to look for Credits — you use these in pretty much every situation, and it's an ever-needed resource. Early, it feels like there aren't enough Credits to go around, but as you learn and progress, the mini-game becomes simple and easy, and eventually, I had the credits to buy whatever I wanted. If you don't like this, there is always an option to use the limited cheat code system; you get 20 Cheat Points to use, and that's more than enough to get you through the game, especially if you didn't give up until later on in the experience.

Truth be told, I enjoyed Once a Porn a Time far more than I originally thought I would, and that's a merit of the fact that it's more than just a porn game. Sure, the primary focus is always sex, but it doesn't miss the opportunity to create heartfelt moments between some characters and hilarious scenes that I didn't anticipate. If you're looking for a title with whacky moments that are unhinged and makes a note of putting humour and the enjoyment of the experience above the sexual scenes, then this is a pretty easy recommendation.